What My Bocce Partner Says vs. What I Hear In My Head 

What they say: “Let’s talk about this.”

What they mean: “Your brain isn’t capable of rational thoughts. Let me tell you what to do.”

What they say: “Whatever you do, don’t leave it short.”

What they mean: “Everytime you take away my line with a short ball I fantasize about smothering you with a pillow.”

What they say: “Or you could just take the point.” 

What they mean: “I’ve never trusted anything less than I trust you at this exact moment.”

What they say: “Are we running it back this season?”

What they mean: “For the love of God, release me from the shackles of your ineptitude.” 

What they say: “You got this.”

What they mean: “You don’t got this.” 

What they say: “Blow it up!”

What they mean: “At least maybe then we’ll get lucky.” 

What they say: “Good shot!”

What they mean: “Your father will never be proud of you.”