8 Rejected Ideas For Returning To Bocce Play During The Pandemic
1. Assuming months of quarantining has altered our ability for object permanence, all players must ace a game of peek-a-boo before being able to register for the next league.
2. You roll your ball. You leave. Your opponent shows up, they roll the ball, they leave. You come back, you roll the ball, you leave. And so on. Games are played to 12 or one week, whichever comes first.
3. Fasten your bocce balls to the collar of a Corgi. Wherever they decide to pop their next squat, counts as where your ball lands. What's that you say? Dogs can get coronavirus now? Fuck.
4. To comply with temperature testing, all players who execute several great shots in a row are removed from play for getting “too hot”.
5. Make it a fantasy tabletop role-playing game…wait, roll-playing game. Draw the Halfling card to buy rounds of beers and outwit your opponents while a Barbarian card allows you to execute crushing rafas with ease.
6. To limit exposure and still guarantee a good time, all of the balls are made of ice cream and the pallino is made of Italian ice. Whoever is leading after everything melts is the winner.
7. Interpretive bocce dance. No balls, no courts. Just bodies moving to the rhythm of bocce.
8. The Golden Rule: Sani-in-hand. Actually, we haven’t rejected that idea yet.